Inner Thoughts
by Anonymous Rose1
Summary: Lancelot has some free time and is thinking about, well, everything. Rated T because I am very, very paranoid.


Arthur was praying, which, you know, is ridiculous, because how can he know there is a "God" that looks over him and helps him and all. I mean, we've lost so many knights that it isn't even worth praying to some thing that you can't see and that lets you lose all your friends one by one, while your heart breaks every single time. I don't believe in that, in fact, no one but Arthur seems to, and that's why I'm a good knight; I'm not spending my time hoping that some freak will help me, because I know that it's only me that's going to be able to save me in the end, so I train more than he does.

Arthur thinks that we're all going to "hell," which is a place filled with fire all the time. Hey, it sounds better than this drafty castle. Besides, Arthur says he's going there as well, and if Arthur's leading us down there it can't be all that bad. Well, however insane his views are, I'll protect him from anything. He tells me that this is because my name means servant, at which point Tristan begins to howl with laughter until I pin him to the wall. Suffice to say, Tristan knows what I'm capable of. Actually, they all do.

My mother, Viviane (The Lady of the Lake), says that I have a temper. She also believes that I am prone to irrational behavior. Ha! It's not true. Besides, she has no proof; I never got mad at her. It is possible that I get a bit put off when people criticize me or insult me or taunt me or laugh at me or…This might be a bit counterproductive. As for the not-thinking-before-acting part (or irrational behavior) I disagree whole-heartedly. I do not do anything without giving it at least 5 seconds of thought. Except in battle, but that doesn't count, because you need to react fast and not think about what you're doing.

Guinevere, Arthur's wife, is the only impulsive thing I did. I couldn't help it, though. Falling in love is not exactly a sensation that I'm used to. The only impulses that I had before her were on the battlefield. Arthur doesn't know, of course, as they're married. Still, he's my best friend and I feel horribly guilty for not telling him. Mom points out that I don't feel guilty enough to stop. As if she's never done anything impulsive or stupid. Not that being with Guinevere is stupid, but it would be hurting Arthur if he knew, which is definitely wrong.

Not that I see her all that much. Mostly, we're out searching for the "Holy Grail." Arthur seems to think that this religious artifact is very important. Naturally, I disagree, but I'm not exactly going to tell him this. After I got Elaine of Something pregnant with Galahad while searching for it, I started thinking that this quest is an even worse idea. Now, don't start thinking that I'm a horrible person who cheats just because their lover isn't around. Elaine tricked me into thinking that she was Guinevere. After I found out, I was really disgusted with her, and myself, and I left.

Elaine is a very common name. My real mother's name was Elaine; Viviane is my adopted mother. There's the Elaine that tricked me, Arthur's brother Elaine, and Elaine that killed herself over me. And all I had to do was walk by the window. Now, that is ridiculous. There was some kind of curse, obviously, and she wasn't supposed to look out the window, but she did, to see me. T hen she went sailing down to Camelot and we all gathered around to see her. I may have said that "she has a lovely face," but I am not the prat that I am made out to be, I am, however, just as handsome, and she was dead.

Why am I telling you all of this? Honestly, because Arthur's praying, we're stuck inside and can't practice swordfight, Guinevere is with Arthur, Tristan is with Isolde (I've no one to torment), and Gawain and Dagonet and all the others are off doing something (or possibly eating). My mother is locking up Merlin in a cave. Elaine of Something has Galahad. And I, Lancelot du Lac, am bored. Oh, here comes Tristan, **without** Isolde.


End file.
